0:30
Hi, it's Lynn, your adulting coach. Late last week, GMA (Good Morning America) reported on the Harvard School of Education study about 18 to 25 year olds who revealed that they're suffering from anxiety and depression. In fact, they're twice as likely as teens to be suffering.
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/news/23/10/mental-health-challenges-young-adults-illuminated-new-report
0:55
That's why they spend their time on screens. They avoid the feeling and sometimes argue with us and attack us so they don't have to approach the difficulties they have in their lives. It takes a lot to build a life.
On screens they feel safe, they accomplish goals, especially if they're playing a game. You know, they go up a level. They find others who like what they like so they get some relationships going. It makes perfect sense.
But screens doesn't address the root causes of anxiety identified in the Harvard study.
1 They're worried about financial pressures.
2 They feel like they have pressure to achieve something especially getting a job.
3 58% reported that they didn't find meaning in the work that they were doingT
4 This uncertain world that we live in, which is so much more evident now through social media and news feeds, is really scaring them.
2:11
And they don't know what to do with that. We haven't taught ourselves how to manage the struggles.
2:21
In addition,
1 Racism and discrimination. we've seen discrimination against our children with divergent brains,
2 adverse childhood experiences in school
3 community violence,
4 gun violence
5 climate change
6 the opioid epidemic
7 war
Reports on these topics are all available in their news feed and on social media. So it makes sense that they're afraid because social media can amplify the bullying and decrease their willingness to go and do outside activities and invite social comparison. You know, I'm not as far along as my peers at school are.
3:07
How do we address this we prioritize our mental health. We say this matters, and we're going to take care of it. We're going to figure this out.
The good news is that this generation of our graduates is more aware of what's happening psychologically, and they just may be the ones that break the stigmas around mental health practices.
So we need to ask ourselves if we're going to lead the way and help the best that we know how we want to ask ourselves, when do we feel anxious and depressed? And where does it show up in our life in parenting? Because they didn't cover it in this study? But in the teens study, they showed that the parents and the teens are enmeshed. In other words, when the teens are depressed, the adults are more likely to be and vice versa.
I believe that also applies to our graduates.The study didn't speak specifically to autistic young adults. But we know from our own experience that anxiety just as part of the package, and depression can happen when they get into one of those dips, when their thoughts tend to ruminate about how they are not good enough. They're putting themselves one down.
Sometimes we see them putting themselves one up. grandiosity, when they're attacking us. Well, I'm better than you are. Neither one is an effective strategy to really getting done what they want to do to build their life.
We need to come together and look at each other squarely using our wise adult to talk things through. Talking is the first thing to build a strong mental foundation together. Because relationally we matter together. We're not just individuals in our family. We are also interdependent in our families.
So the first strategy is always to talk to each other.
The second, third and fourth are to make sure we get enough rest. We have enough good times together and we have a routine that supports our mental health.
5:43
They've also suggested in studies that service, adding something to someone else's life, can help. That can just mean doing service for each other. It doesn't have to be dishing out food in a soup kitchen. That's not a bad idea, sometimes.
We advocate practicing coping skills side by side at the Art of Adulting. Hey, we're in this together. We're both humans. We both face these mental health challenges. They've been around since the beginning of man and now it's okay to talk about them and to figure them out together.
That's when we listen and don't fix.
6:28
What happened in my house yesterday was one of my graduates was let go.
6:34
They missed getting to work on time three times in a row, and they were dismissed from their job. When I first heard that I got this whoosh.
6:48
That was the first strike. The second strike was in my head. Now what are we going to do?
So I can't prevent that first strike that is involuntary. That's what happens when my nervous system kicks in. Now that I'm up here, though, it's delayed, first it's just automatic. Then there's a delay up into my prefrontal cortex. What are we going to do now?
7:14
I often go to fixing. Well, you need to apply for more jobs or let's talk to this person or let's talk to that person or maybe we need to get you to a specialist in all of that.
7:29
So I want to really emphasize that the first thing to do is to listen. Before we start fixing piece, we listen until they feel heard.
And then we make a statement. I have some ideas that I'd like to share with you, period. If they give us consent, yeah, let me know what they are. That's when we can start the collaborative problem solving.
Because we can't fix this. This is not our job anymore, nor do we want to because we want them to practice outsmarting these struggles themselves so that when our runaway is up, they are prepared to handle life on their own.
8:16
learning together helps us walk together. It helps us more helps us form a better, stronger connection.
And isn't that really what we all want with our kids? And with our graduates, I just love them so much. I want them to know that I love them and I want to be there for them. I want us to work things through together.
And frankly I've seen what's happened to my parents and I know I'm going to maybe be more dependent on them as I get older. I'd like us to have a common approach to all of these challenges in life.
That's what we do inside The Art of Adulting. It's just three things.
1 First, we start with our strengths that helps us access that wise adult.
2 Then we determine what we want in our lives. And that's where we look at 10 domains and decide what's next and we're willing to do.
3 And the third part is the seven habits that outsmart struggles.
9:23
There's a lot to learn there because there's a lot of skills that can help us through this. So let's do this together.
I hope you'll join me in The Art of Adulting. Bye for now.
