7 Mistakes Undermine Autistic Independence
00:00
Hi! it's Lynn, your adulting coach. Here are the seven mistakes that we all make that undermine autistic Independence. We really want to notice when we're making these mistakes. Just noticing them will make a huge difference. I can identify each of these mistakes because I make them myself even though I teach this.
AI Summary
Seven common mistakes that undermine autistic independence are discussed by the author.
The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing and acknowledging these mistakes.
The author, Lynn, admits to making these mistakes herself despite teaching about them.
00:32
I still struggle to do what matters so that they do what matters. These seven things really do matter and they add up over time. let's look at the mistakes that I've made that I've identified and that I've kind of figured out as well after coaching autistic graduates and their families for the last three years. The first thing the first mistake that we make is we just argue with what is.
AI Summary
The text discusses seven common mistakes that undermine autistic independence.
The author has identified and learned from these mistakes while coaching autistic graduates and their families over the last three years.
The first highlighted mistake is arguing with the current circumstances or situation instead of accepting them.
00:57
We get mad that they can't do what we expect them to do or that we're having to support them longer than we thought was going to happen or that we're just tired of being yelled at or we're tired of you know them not earning any money and making a contribution and will they ever? All those questions. We just argue with what is.
AI Summary
The text discusses seven common mistakes that undermine the independence of individuals with autism.
It highlights frustrations that caregivers or family members may feel when their expectations are not met, such as financial contributions or the length of support required.
The text emphasizes the importance of accepting the reality of the situation and avoiding arguments with the current circumstances.
01:27
We notice all the things that are different from between where we are and where we want to be. That's the Gap. And instead of letting it Inspire us, we argue with it. It's such a common mistake not just with parents I think it's with the whole human race.
AI Summary
People tend to focus on the gap between their current situation and their desired goals, which can hinder progress.
Instead of letting this gap inspire them, many individuals, including parents, often engage in arguments with it.
The tendency to argue with this gap is a common mistake made by people, not limited to just parents but applicable to the entire human population.
01:53
Acceptance works a lot better to give us the thoughts that fuel the that create the emotions the fuel the actions that are gonna help us produce those outcomes we want. Acceptance says, "Okay here's where we are I know what I can and what I cannot change and I'm going to go forward working on the things that I can change." The second mistake that is so common is catastrophizing the future.
AI Summary
Acceptance is key for fostering autistic independence, as it involves recognizing one's strengths and limitations and focusing on areas that can be changed.
Avoiding the mistake of catastrophizing the future is important, as it can lead to unnecessary anxiety and hinder progress.
The text suggests that understanding and managing one's thoughts and emotions is crucial for achieving desired outcomes.
02:18
"Oh, it's never going to be okay for them to be on their own. Which, by the way, they're gonna have to do that because none of us live forever. And even if they have a great support structure, they're still going to be on their own meaning without you, without us, so we've got to get them as far as we can in that independence range.
AI Summary
The text highlights the importance of fostering independence in autistic individuals, as they will eventually need to be on their own.
It emphasizes the need for a strong support structure to help autistic individuals achieve independence.
The text warns against making mistakes that might undermine the development of independence in autistic individuals.
02:46
Not everybody's going to be a 10 out of 10 on every skill, on their energy, work and love skills. None of us are. So we're gonna all have to figure out where we are now and where we can go from there. That's when we believe that we can make a difference that's the second mistake is not believing that we can make a difference.
AI Summary
The text emphasizes that not everyone is perfect in every skill and that it's essential to assess one's current abilities and potential for improvement.
It highlights the second mistake as not believing in one's ability to make a difference.
The text appears to touch on the theme of self-awareness and self-belief in the context of personal growth and independence, particularly for individuals on the autism spectrum.
03:12
We need to stay where our feet are. Get our brain to stop anticipating all the bad things and get it to focus on what's Happening Now and what we can do now. The third mistake that I can tell you, I make this mistake every day, but I'm more aware of it and that's the point, and I think my kids are starting to forgive me for doing it.
AI Summary
Focus on the present moment and avoid anticipating negative outcomes to support autistic independence.
Acknowledge the mistake of not staying in the present and work on becoming more aware of it.
Improve relationships with autistic children by being mindful of staying in the present and avoiding unnecessary worrying.
03:35
I catch myself and I say, "Oh, I'm sorry I told you and didn't ask." And they say, "I know Mom. You're just, you're doing the best you can." I love that when they tell me that because you know I am trying to do the best I can for them.
AI Summary
The speaker reflects on a moment of self-awareness when they apologize for sharing something and their child reassures them, appreciating their effort.
The speaker values their child's understanding and acknowledges that they are trying their best to support their child.
The content appears to revolve around a personal experience related to parenting an autistic child and the importance of mutual understanding and support.
03:53
So rather than telling them what to do, rather than suggesting, advising and criticizing, it's so much better if we just validate where they are and make a statement. "Okay, what's you..." Make a statement not a question. Okay um, " So you've got a plan." or that sort of thing. You know, we want to first validate their emotion and that this is what happened.
AI Summary
Instead of giving autistic individuals advice, criticism, or suggestions, it's more effective to validate their emotions and acknowledge their plans or actions without asking questions.
Emphasize making statements rather than posing questions to support autistic independence.
Prioritize validating their emotions and experiences as a first step towards understanding their perspective.
04:16
This is so good when they're, just their behavior is telling us that their brain is offline. They're yelling or they're cursing or whatever it is they're they're sleeping too much that means that their brain is just not in a thinking place so we need to make sure that um that we acknowledge the emotion that they're feeling.
AI Summary
Behavior indicating an "offline" brain, such as yelling or excessive sleeping, may signal emotional distress in autistic individuals.
It is crucial to acknowledge and address the emotions that autistic individuals are experiencing during such moments.
The text suggests that understanding and supporting emotional well-being is essential for fostering autistic independence.
04:37
So we say, "You're disappointed because something happened at work," that sort of thing. Just a short validation so that we can connect with what's happening inside of them. I mean, all behavior is communication. Then um the fourth mistake that we make is trying to solve it all at once rather than grounding ourselves in what how we want to show up.
AI Summary
Mistake 1 Failing to provide short validation to connect with autistic individuals and understand their emotions.
Mistake 2 Not recognizing that all behavior is a form of communication, including in autistic individuals.
Mistake 3 Attempting to solve everything at once instead of focusing on how to present oneself in the situation.
05:10
What are those virtues that are most important to us? Then deciding okay in the energy, work, and love areas of our life, what is the one domain we're going to work on? What is the one thing we're going to do next? Just take that funnel and focus on what we're going to do now and how we want to show up. So this is the anchoring in what's most important to us step.
AI Summary
The text discusses the importance of identifying virtues and prioritizing different domains in one's life, such as energy, work, and love.
It suggests the need to focus on one specific domain and decide what action to take next to align with one's priorities.
The text emphasizes anchoring oneself in what is most important to achieve greater independence.
05:32
And we need to know what's most important to them so that we notice and validate when they have done something really amazing. We give them a high five. They need a high five. And then we need our own high five. Saying, "Well done. You kept your cool in that situation and I know that's how you wanted to be.
AI Summary
Recognizing the importance of what's significant to autistic individuals is crucial for supporting their independence.
Acknowledging and validating their achievements by giving praise and encouragement, such as a high five, is essential.
Providing positive feedback and affirming their desired behavior, like keeping their cool in challenging situations, helps reinforce their independence.
05:56
Then the next thing is that just when we react, instead of responding, getting slow and low and loving and thinking on purpose. Okay here's what I really want to do. I want to make sure that they feel safe. That they know that I love them. That we're not going to overwhelm them.
06:21
We're going to stay on track and we're just going to be wise in this case and we're going to figure out what the next thing is to do. Then the sixth mistake we make is we indulge in this confusion. We think we don't know what to do but we really do. Once we notice our feelings and feel it and then figure out what the next, the very next tiny baby step is, we aren't confused anymore.
AI Summary
Mistake 1 Not staying on track and lacking wisdom in decision-making.
Mistake 2 Indulging in confusion instead of recognizing feelings and taking small, manageable steps forward.
The text emphasizes the importance of recognizing emotions and taking incremental actions to avoid undermining autistic independence.
06:47
We just need to know the very next action to take. That's what we need to do in our action step. Finally when we think that they are the problem that's never the case. The problem is always our thinking. The good news is that we do have the power to change that. In the way that we partner with them we can come up with proactive collaborative solutions that make all the difference in the world because then we both are confident that things are going to get better we're both confident and willing to act to make things better together.
AI Summary
The text emphasizes the importance of understanding and changing one's thinking when it comes to supporting autistic individuals.
It suggests that focusing on the next actionable step and avoiding blame can lead to positive outcomes in partnerships with autistic individuals.
Collaborative and proactive solutions are highlighted as key to improving the situation and building confidence in working together.
07:28
So those are the seven common mistakes that we all make and you know, just knowing that we're making them is the very first step that awareness step and then okay now what? Thanks for watching this and I hope that you join us in the Art of Adulting as soon as possible where we talk about this together every single week. That's why there are seven.
AI Summary
The text discusses seven common mistakes that undermine autistic independence.
It emphasizes the importance of awareness as the first step in addressing these mistakes.
The text encourages joining the "Art of Adulting" to continue discussing and addressing these issues regularly.
