Active, Constructive Responses
Professor Shelly Gable from UC Santa Barbara did research on what predicts a strong relationship. She studied those that last, where the ties are strong.
She found that when our loved ones share a victory, a triumph and other good things, how we respond either builds or undermines our relationship.
An active constructive response builds connection and enhances well being for both of us.
So what's the formula?
1 First, we are as present as we can be. We really listen we attune to the other person, we reflect what they're saying, and they're how they're feeling.
2 We express genuine happiness about this event, or triumph that they've had. We really are excited for them.
3 We ask them to expand on it, "Tell me more about it. Give me more details." We want to really help them relive the goodies that came from this experience.
4 Let's celebrate it together. It doesn't have to be a big celebration, but just mentioning it again at the dinner table or before going to sleep. Let's really celebrate what went well together.
It only takes 30 seconds and it's worth all of that.
If you're curious about the art of adulting and how we apply this these concepts, these tools, to increase independence with our autistic adults, find me. There's a link in the notes.
